Since Yo departure from Perth, I seem to have a habit of tears coming out of my eye when I chat with her. Is it because she saddens me or is it because I miss her so much? That’s what my heart asked. Apparently my heart told me that because I miss her so much and there is a high degree of insecurity in a unique relationship, things she say and do, make my emotional feeling volatile. She can make me very happy in one second by saying something nice and sweet and another second she can make me extremely pissed off and lose control.
Today is the fourth day since her departure; I lost my social aspect already. I was suppose to go out with TAT Weng for the PERTH MOTOR SHOW but ended up sitting at home facing the computer, wondering the few things down here; it would be great is my friends who read my blog comment on it including my dear who refuses to comment on my blog;
1) What is it with some girls commenting on their bf blog. Is it hard to comment on?
2) How do you concentrate on hours of study without distraction?
3) Why human being can be so venerable sometimes?
4) How do you cheer a gal up and keep them 24/7 happy?
Well… that my problem now. Other than that, I am extremely disappointed at myself and making things worst in this relationship with my dear…
Lately I feel kinda angered with my dear, which I feel very sorry after awhile. It was regarding her blog. One minute I was asked to comment on her blog so I did as she said, coz don’t wanna disappoint her. Then later she says, it is to “Yok MA” as in something like sending shivers down the spine. Then she decided wanna hide it. As she was doing it, she just want to hide it completely and get kinda pissed off coz she can’t do it. Here it goes again…. We quarrel over it.
As I was so pissed off I said to her,” Why the hell you wanna hide it if you want me to put a comment, then if you like to hide it and there is no point of asking me to put a comment for u”
In return she says it kindly to me” I just want you to put a comment on my blog but not to “Yok MA”.
I angrily say, “What you want me to do, I put a comment on how I feel towards you and express freely of myself mah. Why do I have to lie to myself about such thing… And in my mind was like saying,”I don’t need to hide myself under a shell as if like I am a criminal that need a disguise to walk around.”
Well what can I say. I feel bad, minutes later as she didn’t really get mad at me as she is just making a request and that is also her blog, she can do whatever she wants with it. My reaction certainly has been over… It has been a hard and tedious road for both of us reaching here and yet I am being so angered over such a small things. I think I goona stop here now… because I started to feel extremely lost now as I started to find myself on the end of losing control and flying to KL and find her.
Saturday, 23 April 2005
Thursday, 21 April 2005
Exam ends... New War Coming
Well..... I have finish my exam today. It was really a stressful day....
WHY? it all begin on Wednesday as i suppose to be studying at home.... :( but who knows i been chatting with YO till like 4 am which certainly lead to oversleep the next moring to study. then arrive Tat weng to my place for lunch. Unfortunately, i am so poor that i can only offer him two packt of indo mee... hehehe what a host. As for me, i am eating left over food from pervious day. :( so there i was eating the mee goreng with baked bean and chilli sauce cooked by me and crab meat with thousand island. what is bad about em yeterday was that i am not able to finish my food and force to throw it all to the bin.
Then after, i fall asleep agian which later lead to a diseater becuase i wake up at like 6.30pm. Hlaf of my day have just gone away. :P. Well day seem pretty bad for a time like these. certainly in between the few hours of sleep and awake again, i have play my exam question study on
Edward Said on Orientalism DVD for almost 12 time yesterday. :O CRazy me... :P. Well... thanks to YO suddenly pop up in my mind i have decided to go library and ended up borrowing 12 books 10 related to my assignment on Middle Eastern and 2 related to Buddhism Teaching.
After that around 8pm when for coffee with Lin, Mun and TaT, at Farell's till around 10pm..... and then go home. It was then i really concentrate study like for an hour or so. and give up about 12 :( which i later on go and play game and chat with my dear dear on the phone hehehe.
Well I have just wasted a precious time of 1 day for studying my exam.
Who know today ended up with more diseaster thing. I woke up late for work at the Guild around 9.30 am. :( bad enough already. Tehn went to work and realised that i have like 4 box of cheque to sign which is about 100++ cheque. Certainly it takes time, what can i say.... is my job so i can't study. Sadly of all i miss the Talk on Aceh: Tsunami Relief and Politics talk as well because of the Cheque and later i even have to stay on the office to clean up the mess. Then i go see a Doctor rearding my injured (R) ring finger and (L) elbow. Scared me when the doctor say, hm... sinc eyou have so much injuries i suggest you go and take an X-ray. As i have just took an X-ray one month ago, the X-ray was not an option but i have to take 50 tablets in total for about 2 weeks 3 time a day, hoping the pain will go away. So guess what, from then till 4pm i don;t have a time to study at all. :( i still thought that i might have chance to study but who know i won't.
4pm came, Class for Eurasian Studies started, my heart was so nervous as exam worth 20% is just around the corner at 6pm. Whole through out the class i was so nervous that it seem like my heart will break. :O.
6PM>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>here come the due time, i have to start writing my exam. as time clicking, i realise i finish my two question in just under 1hour... GREAT!!!! but guess what, i don';t even know what i am writing as no preperation for my work. further to that everyone beside me is like write 1 full booklet or 2 booklet as for me only half a booklet. :(. well F@#K it i think what can i do now have to concentrate on my study and stop slacking.
:(... End of one war but here come my new challenges of the coming months. I am the elected chairperson for Curtin Multicultural Week as well and i will be contending for the Branch Convenor and clean up the mess of Our Branch. Hopefully cross my finger i can win that election. It is my objective this year to do all i can for my beloved international students in the state and campus. As i know i won't have the chance again once i leave Perth for K.L. :D Confirm? well at this time going KL is secured why? coz my dear is waiting for me. :D Miss her alot but i certainly have a lot to challange in this coming month hope everything will be fine. Pray for me okie.. regardless what religion you are as long as you think it is effective. hehehehe
:P Till next time...
WHY? it all begin on Wednesday as i suppose to be studying at home.... :( but who knows i been chatting with YO till like 4 am which certainly lead to oversleep the next moring to study. then arrive Tat weng to my place for lunch. Unfortunately, i am so poor that i can only offer him two packt of indo mee... hehehe what a host. As for me, i am eating left over food from pervious day. :( so there i was eating the mee goreng with baked bean and chilli sauce cooked by me and crab meat with thousand island. what is bad about em yeterday was that i am not able to finish my food and force to throw it all to the bin.
Then after, i fall asleep agian which later lead to a diseater becuase i wake up at like 6.30pm. Hlaf of my day have just gone away. :P. Well day seem pretty bad for a time like these. certainly in between the few hours of sleep and awake again, i have play my exam question study on
Edward Said on Orientalism DVD for almost 12 time yesterday. :O CRazy me... :P. Well... thanks to YO suddenly pop up in my mind i have decided to go library and ended up borrowing 12 books 10 related to my assignment on Middle Eastern and 2 related to Buddhism Teaching.
After that around 8pm when for coffee with Lin, Mun and TaT, at Farell's till around 10pm..... and then go home. It was then i really concentrate study like for an hour or so. and give up about 12 :( which i later on go and play game and chat with my dear dear on the phone hehehe.
Well I have just wasted a precious time of 1 day for studying my exam.
Who know today ended up with more diseaster thing. I woke up late for work at the Guild around 9.30 am. :( bad enough already. Tehn went to work and realised that i have like 4 box of cheque to sign which is about 100++ cheque. Certainly it takes time, what can i say.... is my job so i can't study. Sadly of all i miss the Talk on Aceh: Tsunami Relief and Politics talk as well because of the Cheque and later i even have to stay on the office to clean up the mess. Then i go see a Doctor rearding my injured (R) ring finger and (L) elbow. Scared me when the doctor say, hm... sinc eyou have so much injuries i suggest you go and take an X-ray. As i have just took an X-ray one month ago, the X-ray was not an option but i have to take 50 tablets in total for about 2 weeks 3 time a day, hoping the pain will go away. So guess what, from then till 4pm i don;t have a time to study at all. :( i still thought that i might have chance to study but who know i won't.
4pm came, Class for Eurasian Studies started, my heart was so nervous as exam worth 20% is just around the corner at 6pm. Whole through out the class i was so nervous that it seem like my heart will break. :O.
6PM>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>here come the due time, i have to start writing my exam. as time clicking, i realise i finish my two question in just under 1hour... GREAT!!!! but guess what, i don';t even know what i am writing as no preperation for my work. further to that everyone beside me is like write 1 full booklet or 2 booklet as for me only half a booklet. :(. well F@#K it i think what can i do now have to concentrate on my study and stop slacking.
:(... End of one war but here come my new challenges of the coming months. I am the elected chairperson for Curtin Multicultural Week as well and i will be contending for the Branch Convenor and clean up the mess of Our Branch. Hopefully cross my finger i can win that election. It is my objective this year to do all i can for my beloved international students in the state and campus. As i know i won't have the chance again once i leave Perth for K.L. :D Confirm? well at this time going KL is secured why? coz my dear is waiting for me. :D Miss her alot but i certainly have a lot to challange in this coming month hope everything will be fine. Pray for me okie.. regardless what religion you are as long as you think it is effective. hehehehe
:P Till next time...
Tuesday, 19 April 2005
1st day without YO end....
Well.... i don't knwo why i suddenly decided to post up another blog. But certianly, i have a strong feeling of missing YO. As i return home, i feel suddenly so quiet in the house. She is not here with me, talking to me or waiting for me to come home. I certainly didn't return home for lunch today, and waiting for Lin to bring me a take away Chic Rice. :(
My tuesday routine.
Usually my dear will cooking my lunch for me then wait for me to come home and eat. Then i will go back uni and work. After that, i will go for my class and during break, certainly will give her a call and ask how is she etc. After that will return home at 8pm and eat dinner and go for a $5 movie night at Hoyts which now cost about $5.6 but still cheap. when we didn't have a dinner we will certainly go for Gelare waffle. By the time the movie ends, it will be about 10-11nish. Once at home, either we sleep or she/me will play internet until one of us decided to stop the day.
Well today routine certainly have change.
I didn't come home for lunch, no movie, no dear at home waiting for me and certainly no one accompany me and love me like her. :(. I can still sense her presence as things are the way it is before she goes. We even move the layout of my room together. I don't know why but it seem like tears keep coming out of my stubborn eye everytime i think of her privately. :(.
Dear, i wish you have a wonderful time in KL and find the job you love the most. Further to that, i hope you have a wonderful time with your family and remember dear dear will always love you and coming to see you. wait for me okie, i will be there.
there is certainly a good news for me, i have got an extention on my assignment due on Thrusday to Next two week... Yeah!!!! Must be my dear Chanting helped me. :D
My tuesday routine.
Usually my dear will cooking my lunch for me then wait for me to come home and eat. Then i will go back uni and work. After that, i will go for my class and during break, certainly will give her a call and ask how is she etc. After that will return home at 8pm and eat dinner and go for a $5 movie night at Hoyts which now cost about $5.6 but still cheap. when we didn't have a dinner we will certainly go for Gelare waffle. By the time the movie ends, it will be about 10-11nish. Once at home, either we sleep or she/me will play internet until one of us decided to stop the day.
Well today routine certainly have change.
I didn't come home for lunch, no movie, no dear at home waiting for me and certainly no one accompany me and love me like her. :(. I can still sense her presence as things are the way it is before she goes. We even move the layout of my room together. I don't know why but it seem like tears keep coming out of my stubborn eye everytime i think of her privately. :(.
Dear, i wish you have a wonderful time in KL and find the job you love the most. Further to that, i hope you have a wonderful time with your family and remember dear dear will always love you and coming to see you. wait for me okie, i will be there.
there is certainly a good news for me, i have got an extention on my assignment due on Thrusday to Next two week... Yeah!!!! Must be my dear Chanting helped me. :D
19th April, A day after Yo departure
It has been almost a day now since my dear left Perth. All of a sudden it seem like my time has come to a stop without her. Since her arrival in 17th February 2005 till 18th April 2005, it has been full of memorial time and changes in my life. We have certainly learnt to appreciate each other more and certainly learn to do things together. However all of a sudden everything have change, I am can’t do things with her and I can’t see her.
As for 12th April 2005, where supposed to be my change of the year. It certainly plays a big change. Since then, I finally start to do my job as a general secretary. I have finished my letter to the electoral commission to run our election, I have finished my report and hand in on time, I have put up poster for the guild council and I have come to work every two day a week and stop skipping my duty.
As a student, there is much to go but I have certainly started doing my studies and borrow my required reading on my work and going to a seminar on tsunami relief on Thursday. Exam is in two day time but going o study for it tomorrow and leaves today till early morning for my assignment. Hopefully I can get everything done.
Other than that, the heavy spending over the last few months has certainly made me short of cash. Therefore, I am going to start saving my money for the urgent matters such as my phone bill, internet bill and house rental. Further to that, I will have to start eating home and bring my own water and snack to class. Luckily during Yo’s presence, I have brought enough food to cater for my stomach for the next one month or so.
Back to the first paragraph, I certainly miss my dear, she has been the most wonderful gift ever presence in my life who care for me in a unique way and love me with her kindred spirit. I wish this will not be the last time we will see one another and certainly will not be the end but the beginning of a stable and long distance unique relationship we have. I will certainly take good care of myself and wish that my dear will do the same.
Last but not least, I will never give up hope to be a better person and to take care of our two futures.
As for 12th April 2005, where supposed to be my change of the year. It certainly plays a big change. Since then, I finally start to do my job as a general secretary. I have finished my letter to the electoral commission to run our election, I have finished my report and hand in on time, I have put up poster for the guild council and I have come to work every two day a week and stop skipping my duty.
As a student, there is much to go but I have certainly started doing my studies and borrow my required reading on my work and going to a seminar on tsunami relief on Thursday. Exam is in two day time but going o study for it tomorrow and leaves today till early morning for my assignment. Hopefully I can get everything done.
Other than that, the heavy spending over the last few months has certainly made me short of cash. Therefore, I am going to start saving my money for the urgent matters such as my phone bill, internet bill and house rental. Further to that, I will have to start eating home and bring my own water and snack to class. Luckily during Yo’s presence, I have brought enough food to cater for my stomach for the next one month or so.
Back to the first paragraph, I certainly miss my dear, she has been the most wonderful gift ever presence in my life who care for me in a unique way and love me with her kindred spirit. I wish this will not be the last time we will see one another and certainly will not be the end but the beginning of a stable and long distance unique relationship we have. I will certainly take good care of myself and wish that my dear will do the same.
Last but not least, I will never give up hope to be a better person and to take care of our two futures.
Tuesday, 12 April 2005
Who I am?
Well it has been way into my semester one as a Postgraduate Student. I am kinda still slacking off. Wonder why i say so?
1) Graduate Diploma in International Relations
In term of study, i have not been doing my work. Firstly, Suppose to submit at least one summary a week for my Middle East Unit but haven't been doing it for almost 5 week now. Secondly, I have a presentation on last Tuesday but only start doing the work with my group mate on Monday. Pretty tense Huh!!!! Thirdly, got an assignment due on 21 April 2005 but haven;t do anything yet. Further to that got a test in three week time but haven;t do anything yet also. Well wonder why????? i have been slacking.... I really don't know what to do.
2) General Secretary of Curtin Student Guild
I have been in this role of the past 5 month now and about 7 months to go before my term ends. I feel i haven't been doing much for the student. Every month when i write my report i am wondering what to write and what to type? I have do so little for the students feel so ashame. Every day i leave my work to the end and never been efficeint and effective. I am so not into this job but i am here.
3)Waiter in Red Rock Noodle Bar
I am working two days a week at Red Rock Noodle Bar. What can i say about this job, compare to my Guild Job it is just under pay. but i am getting additional income. However i am wondering why i have to take up such job the first place. why i have to make my time in uni so busy and stress when i can stay at home sleeping and enjoy my time. Am i in need of money. i feel like i am spending more when i earn more. :(
4) Dear Dear to My Dear
I have been ignoring her and annoyed her a lot lately. Been playing games day and night :p asking her to do this and that. treating her like a maid so bad..... Leaving her doing all the work herself and cleaning my mess and stuff.
AFTER 12 April 2005.
Well it is now exact seven day incl. today before my dearest Yo leaving for K.L. and not returning to Perth. Here i have stated my probelms and been avoinding it so much lately.
New Life for Me and a New Beginning of 2005.
Everyone says 1 January every year is a beginning of a new year etc etc. But i guess it is just your psychological thinking. To me, i think this year my year really begins here on 12 April 2005.
As a student, student rep and waiter.
Firstly => STUDENT
Agenda and task for me to achieve
I have to start reading all my article by 18th April. I have to start my research today and finish my assignment by Tuesday Next Week 19th April. I have to get my group work up and running. I have to put more time into doing research on all my assignment.
Must get an early sleep by 12am everyday and wake up at 8 am. eat breakfast at home, cook my own meal no eating out. Reduce my phone plan to $30 and clean up my room, do my luandry and stay at home.
Secondly => Student Rep
I have to get myself organised, get a dairy with time and task. Bind myself with it hard as a iron fist. Start on all my project such as Guild Volunteer Team & Sibiling Discount. Start to clean up my offices and complete my work on time and early. Do all my reports and work towards the better of student welfare.
Thirdly => Waiter in Red Rock
Save all the cash from May onwards. for future usage and not to over spend myself. my try to save up to $1000 by end of December. Get my two day free food.
Forthly => Dear dear to My Dear
Try to spend valuable time with her and do washing and cooking together. Do all our stuff together and have to be more undertsanding. Never to leave her alone doing all the work and help her all the time. Do use so much money as it is the most important aspect in this relationship, what is most important is the building of a better life for two and future of a eternity.
Here i am making my confession. :D i feel much better now. i shall go get my dairy and start doing my work. I will make sure i inform my blog what i have been doing to see i have achieve my goal or not. :D
1) Graduate Diploma in International Relations
In term of study, i have not been doing my work. Firstly, Suppose to submit at least one summary a week for my Middle East Unit but haven't been doing it for almost 5 week now. Secondly, I have a presentation on last Tuesday but only start doing the work with my group mate on Monday. Pretty tense Huh!!!! Thirdly, got an assignment due on 21 April 2005 but haven;t do anything yet. Further to that got a test in three week time but haven;t do anything yet also. Well wonder why????? i have been slacking.... I really don't know what to do.
2) General Secretary of Curtin Student Guild
I have been in this role of the past 5 month now and about 7 months to go before my term ends. I feel i haven't been doing much for the student. Every month when i write my report i am wondering what to write and what to type? I have do so little for the students feel so ashame. Every day i leave my work to the end and never been efficeint and effective. I am so not into this job but i am here.
3)Waiter in Red Rock Noodle Bar
I am working two days a week at Red Rock Noodle Bar. What can i say about this job, compare to my Guild Job it is just under pay. but i am getting additional income. However i am wondering why i have to take up such job the first place. why i have to make my time in uni so busy and stress when i can stay at home sleeping and enjoy my time. Am i in need of money. i feel like i am spending more when i earn more. :(
4) Dear Dear to My Dear
I have been ignoring her and annoyed her a lot lately. Been playing games day and night :p asking her to do this and that. treating her like a maid so bad..... Leaving her doing all the work herself and cleaning my mess and stuff.
AFTER 12 April 2005.
Well it is now exact seven day incl. today before my dearest Yo leaving for K.L. and not returning to Perth. Here i have stated my probelms and been avoinding it so much lately.
New Life for Me and a New Beginning of 2005.
Everyone says 1 January every year is a beginning of a new year etc etc. But i guess it is just your psychological thinking. To me, i think this year my year really begins here on 12 April 2005.
As a student, student rep and waiter.
Firstly => STUDENT
Agenda and task for me to achieve
I have to start reading all my article by 18th April. I have to start my research today and finish my assignment by Tuesday Next Week 19th April. I have to get my group work up and running. I have to put more time into doing research on all my assignment.
Must get an early sleep by 12am everyday and wake up at 8 am. eat breakfast at home, cook my own meal no eating out. Reduce my phone plan to $30 and clean up my room, do my luandry and stay at home.
Secondly => Student Rep
I have to get myself organised, get a dairy with time and task. Bind myself with it hard as a iron fist. Start on all my project such as Guild Volunteer Team & Sibiling Discount. Start to clean up my offices and complete my work on time and early. Do all my reports and work towards the better of student welfare.
Thirdly => Waiter in Red Rock
Save all the cash from May onwards. for future usage and not to over spend myself. my try to save up to $1000 by end of December. Get my two day free food.
Forthly => Dear dear to My Dear
Try to spend valuable time with her and do washing and cooking together. Do all our stuff together and have to be more undertsanding. Never to leave her alone doing all the work and help her all the time. Do use so much money as it is the most important aspect in this relationship, what is most important is the building of a better life for two and future of a eternity.
Here i am making my confession. :D i feel much better now. i shall go get my dairy and start doing my work. I will make sure i inform my blog what i have been doing to see i have achieve my goal or not. :D
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