Before today i have drafted a blog to send out which i have never really send until today but as i read it back i have learnt something new from today meeting with yo. It seems like life is not just about how others think of me or about our complicated relationship but more about our future and our feeling of belonging as well as hapiness Anyway i decided to put it up my earlier thought and to tell myself how much have changed in a short 11 days period.
"Since her arrival in Perth till today, i feel very much insecure for the first time. Is it the feeling of losing out or is it the feeling of afraid to lose her or knowing i will lose her? Many may think i am making a silly comment when she is here with me, why should i be worried about such things. Well, i guess it is the argument and quarrelling make me feel that she get sick and tired of me. Lately, her attitude and annoyance of thinking i have become very unreasonable make me feel that she are getting bored of me and wanting to pull herself away from me."
Well wonder what had? Learn to cheerish the precious 1 month with her in Perth before she return to Malaysia for good is more important than anything else in the moment.
Eventhough i am a third party in this relationship, i have never regretted to love her and showing my feeling to her. Some people may think if i knew it why do i still have to continue going after her or why doesn't she reject me once and for all. I certainly agree with many of them before all the incident i have before 2004. However all of these have changed since the existence of my ex-gf and now her.
I now believe that love is unfair and basically it is like a competing world for "survivor of the fittest". I certainly believe also if i never try i will never know she love me or not and i have reduce my chance of being with her to 0% instead of 50-50. Indeed today might not be the happiest moment as seeing her with her bf, but we will never know what will happen next.
There will certainly be remarks about me or asking me, "what if that is your girlfriend, do you wish someone do that back to you?". My answer will be NO but on the condition she loves me with all her heart and have certainly no feeling for the person. However if that, she has feeling for him with/without me, i will certainly choose to let her choose again. As mention early, Love is like a competing world based not just solely about the feeling but also compatibility, future, happiness, memories you wish to have with that person and certainly about how his/her family think of you. Everyone have the right for the best person for them. Isn't it? What's wrong about it? When decision can't be made aren't we feel like keeping things low and simple and not trying to make it complicated? Is others' people point of view important?
Yes, everyone has a right to choose for the best. Nothing is wrong about it. Keeping it low and simple is better. Others' views are not always important as they don't know your situation better than you or your love one, it is also certainly your own life and her life. We choose our own pathway.
Well..... That is just full of my philosophy and now.... many might be guessing what i learn in the meeting that changes everything.
What are there problems between us? What is the cause? How should we be looking at the situtation and resolve it. Certainly but no mean many of our problems are baseless when i think of it back and many are based on our own emotions of trying to keep oursleves in a low profile situation which have certianly become a habit to us as one of us has started to engage and trying to move forward and change the relationship we have.
It was during the meeting i kinda wake up that what is more important now. Maintaining a strong bond with her and try to keep the relationship in a happy and transparent stage. Give one another the space and time to understand one another and certainly time to resolve our complicated relationship. It is easy to fall in love but hard to maintain the feeling.
Finally i would just say, if we meant to be for one another, eventhough someone trying to break us apart it will not be broken and certainly the same apply to when people trying critise my way to love her. But if we are not for one another then it will be pointless to talk about it eventhough if not one say anything about us the realationship will not last.
Therefore from now i will look forward build a better future for myself and certainly with her existence. To all my friends, i am certainly very gladful for your comment and never actually prevent me from loving her especially Mien, Lin, Tiffy, Mun and Dine Cehceh which i have talk to so in depth about And also for all my friend that i have not mention for your endless support till today on me and never give up hope on me.... Well i have a next update soon about my Day today... :D and the past few days with my beloved Yo.... :D.
P/S:- Guess what... While i am typing this blog... a gal beside me name Yoshiko... is cleaning my keyboard and for once my keyboard look cleaner... thank you dear dear... i am glad to have you here with me and supporting me... Thank you very much for the bracelet you get for me... it look so tribal but i guess i love it as it is not only my taste but also a gift for you... :D Mauhzzz
Feel like the happiest person alive now to have by my side....
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2 comments:
"Others' views are not always important as they don't know your situation better than you or your love one, it is also certainly your own life and her life. We choose our own pathway."
Dammit Jacky. I have underestimated you (I'm such an asshole), but you have proven me wrong again and again and again. That's the best thing I've read from you thus far and I think you've just redefined yourself and your destiny with that sentence.
I may not agree with your decision to do what you did in the first place, but you did it because you know what you really really wanted. There are many people who doesn't even know what they want and they let other people dictate their own pathways. If people think more like you, people will be happier and there would be less tears on our shoulders.
I give you props.
hi jacky!! ehehehe.... all i have to say is follow your heart and you wont live to regret it!! ehhehe
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